


and the wind sounds like the world's sigh

by shibyn



Category: Persona 4, Persona 5
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, P4 and P5 take place at the same time AU, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shiho goes to Inaba AU, Shiho-centric, shitty adults :(
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-06-11 04:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15307491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shibyn/pseuds/shibyn
Summary: Near the end of May, Shiho transfers to a sleepy town called Inaba for a fresh start. However, Inaba isn’t the sleepy town her parents thought would be best for her— its on edge with unsolved mysteries, and Shiho finds that there’s a bit more behind what meets the eye regarding some of her classmates and a TV screen.





	1. Inhale

**Author's Note:**

> In P5 Shiho kinda vanishes once you're done with Ann's social link, so it's hard to tell what even really happened with her. I mean, she did just, y'know, try to die, and transferring schools is THE worst thing in the middle of the year. It's not fun, especially when you don't want to be there, cause it's unknowing self-isolation-- so Shiho dips in and out of depression throughout this. I write in a kinda stream-of-conscious way, so be cautious if this makes you uncomfortable!
> 
> In this AU P4 and P5 happen at the same time, so Shiho would be a second-year at Yasogami with the rest of the investigation team! Ah, and I, uh, never played P4... forgive me if the characters are wildly out of character!!
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

Maybe this is hell.  
  
It's a white ceiling, off-white walls, bright white lights, white bedsheets. It's the bland meals, kind but insincere conversations, background noise of the news. Sad, prolonged looks from Mom, regretful frowns from Dad, the overall lack of feeling from her legs. The monotone beep of the heart monitor and drip of the IV. Hell can't be dark and fiery and the screams of the damned-- it _has_ to be this.   
  
Ann is a light in this place. The blonde of her hair offsets the white entirety of the room, the radiance of her smile breaking the solemn air that's been stagnant. She can't always visit, but Shiho looks forward to the times she can. She's the inch of normalcy left in Shiho's life-- she tells her about things that have been going on in school, a cool photoshoot she was in, a dumb thing Ryuji was up to, a shiny A on a test that she only passed because Akira helped, a new restaurant the three of them went to-- she's glad, so glad that Ann hasn't let this change her, hasn't let the wobble of her lips when she looks towards Shiho's legs keep her from looking her in the eye and talking as if they weren't in a hospital.  
  
More often than not, Ann isn't there. She isn't there, and sometimes Shiho thinks it may have been better to land differently, breaking more than just her legs. She's confined to bed, confined to sleep and watching tv and staring at the wall. She's stuck, legs basically useless, and she has to sit through looks of pity from the doctor, her nurses, her physical therapist, _her parents._    
  
Her skin crawls whenever her parents visit. They know what happened, but they _don't know_. They're so quiet when they visit, so sad, so _pitying,_  and she has no idea what they're thinking. She hopes and hopes for the door to slide open whenever they're here, hopes the doctor does a checkup on vitals or the therapist takes her to learn how to use her legs again or Ann to come bounding in and dispel them.  
  
She's not lucky. They stay and they speak of things so mundane-- at least it's _nice_ to talk with Ann, but with her parents it all feels awkward and forced and Shiho wishes she had the gut to tell them to _stop,_  they don't _understand,_   _don't act like you understand._  
  
They aren't in the room the day Ann enters, eyes both bright and watery. Ann basically crashes in the seat next to her bed, grasps her hand so tight she's momently scared it'll snap, and tells her _it's all over, he's in jail, he got what he deserved, he's gone_.   
  
Shiho cries and Ann cries with her, and maybe, just maybe she'll be able to walk those wretched halls again and graduate side-by-side with Ann like they imagined and maybe she'll meet Ryuji and Akira and give them the biggest hug possible and hopefully hang out with them at Big Bang Burger or the Arcade. Her hopes soar, and she wishes she could stand so she could hug Ann and leave this awful room.  
  
Her parents walk in the next day, faces drawn in, and tell her _we're going to move when you're released from the hospital. We're sorry, Shiho._  
  
Shiho doesn't cry. She just hopes her legs will stay broken, so she can still at least stay here and see Ann regularly.

  
  
—

  
  
Her legs ache the moment she steps off the train into the Yaso-Inaba Station. They've ached the moment she stepped on the train and throughout the whole ride. Shiho takes this as an ill omen.  
  
The car ride to the house is in a terse silence with occasional awkward conversations between her parents, similar to the train ride over. Inaba, her parents had told her, was a tiny rural town. A big difference from the metropolitan style of Tokyo. A good place for a fresh start, they said. Shiho can see between the lines and know they chose this place because nothing happens here.   
  
(She knows that they think if it's a peaceful place, there's less of a chance of her ending up in an ambulance midday and missing two months of her life. If it's peaceful, bad things won't happen. They won't.)  
  
It takes less than twenty minutes flat to drive to their house-- in Tokyo, on good days it would have taken twenty minutes to drive a mile. It's a small house, different from their even smaller apartment in Tokyo. They actually have a backyard. It's on the edge of Inaba and supposedly not too far from her new high school.   
  
Unpacking is quiet aside from the occasional ' _put that in the kitchen'_ and ' _can you help me carry this?'_  Thankfully it's cloudy outside, so it isn't too much of a chore. Most heavy things, like furniture, were delivered before hand, which cuts the labor. They apparently make enough noise for a neighbor to come out and greet them. Her mom ends up side-tracked talking to them, so she and her dad finish unpacking to avoid being dragged into the conversation.   
  
It's a single story house, small kitchen, small living room, two small rooms, two small bathrooms, and yet its still more spacious than their old apartment. Shiho claims the bedroom facing the backyard. Her dad helps bring in some boxes and offers to help set up furniture before Shiho shoos him off.   
  
Her room slowly comes together. She slowly puts things on the dresser, on the wall, in the closet, until it looks vaguely like her old room. It has all the same elements, but it doesn't register in her mind as her own yet. She goes about it in a detached sense, like her body is on autopilot.   
  
_One year,_  Shiho thinks _, this is my home for one year_. She comes across her next uniform that her parents snuck in her boxes-- a black seifuku with a glaringly bright yellow ribbon and houndstooth patterned skirt. It's... something, to say the least. Not the worst uniform she's ever seen, but... well, it's definitely something. She guesses she can call it stylish for a school uniform.   
   
She lays it out on her bed, smoothing it out absently. There's no true blazer, so she can't exactly get away with just wearing the undershirt. She misses the plaid of Shujin, regardless of how ugly she thought it was at first. Her first day is... tomorrow, maybe? The day after? Her mom had told her, but it felt like fuzz in her ears. She doesn't want to think about school.  
  
Belatedly, she takes a picture to send it to Ann later. Ann was at a photoshoot right about now-- she couldn't exactly check her phone every now and then and respond to her. The lack of consistent buzzing from her phone made the whole unpacking process more quiet.  
  
Half-way through the next box, her dad reappears at the doorway, leaning in a casual way against the frame. He whistles in awe at the progress she's made, saying, "Wow, already this far? Sorry, sweetie, but you're gonna have to do the kitchen and living room at this pace."   
  
She rolls her eyes. "Sure thing. It'll probably be useless, though-- you'd probably reorganize it to your liking."   
  
He shrugs. "It's going to take weeks before your mother and I find an equilibrium in that kitchen. Ya close to a stopping point? I was kinda thinking bout getting dinner."   
  
She isn't, but the dust is starting to get to her. Besides-- this is might be the first time he's looked her in the eyes in a week. Maybe things _are_  turning for the better. "Sure. I think I saw a take out place not too far away on the drive here." In a blocky motion, she pulls herself to her feet. Getting up to her feet was no longer easy. It was a struggle, even after so much physical therapy. She _liked_ to think it was okay now. Yet-- her leg twists and twinges painfully, her breath catching in her throat as her world _tilts_. There's a flash of movement from the corner of her eyes in her dad's direction, but she manages to catch herself by slamming a stabilizing hand against the wall.  
  
Shiho swallows thickly, breathing slowly to calm the spike of her pulse at the sudden feeling of falling. She glances up warily. Her dad's hand is halfway towards her, as if to catch her if she didn't regain her footing, with the other braced against the door frame with white knuckles. There's a pause, a bit deafening, and her father retreats his hand and crams it in his pocket. A scowl sits on his face, the corner of his mouth twitching with unspoken words, and he quickly pulls on a grin that doesn't fit his face.  
  
"That was close," he laughs, a bit wheezily and with a tremor in the undertone. He shifts awkwardly, maybe debating to check if she's fine or to let her be. _I wonder what went through his mind just now,_  Shiho thinks, throat tight, _did he see my leg breaking? or them shattered, beneath hospital blankets? or maybe--_ "Ah, you may have to start wearing your brace more often, kiddo. It's kinda hilly and rainy around here."   
  
Grimacing, she nods. "I'll put it on before we go." It's on her dresser, where she threw it after taking it off earlier to give her leg some air. She hates that thing-- it's hot and sweaty and itchy and it _always_  seems to get disgusting in less than an hour. It's going to be miserable to wear it in the rain-- it'll become soggy and she'll have to deal with the spongey feel of it the whole school day.  
  
A moment passes. Her dad still lingers by the doorframe. He clears his throat and scratches his arm absently. "Are you going to be alright?" he asks, looking anywhere but her.  
  
"Yeah," she says quickly, and back tracks. "Yeah. I-- I'm alright. Just a little sore from the ride." Her legs are never _not_  sore nowadays. Not that they need to know.   
  
There's a solemn look on his face. Shiho grits her teeth and thinks  _please don't_.   
  
He nods-- she can't tell if he's satisfied with that answer or not-- and leaves. For a second, she just stands and breathes. Everyone around her has been walking on eggshells since she landed in the hospital, and she's so _tired of it._ She wonders how long it'll take until it's all gone and done for.   
  
Her mom trusts them with dinner, saying that she's in unpacking mode and doesn't want to drop out of it now that she's in it. The car ride is quiet for the most part, with the two of them peering out the window to spy a places to eat or figure out what something is. There's plenty of tiny mom-and-pop stores just a walk away from their house, and the Main Street isn't too far of a walking trip, either. Shiho has a feeling she'll become familiar with these streets in due time.  
  
The sun had set enough to the point where it was fairly dark out with the overcast. The clouds aren't lit up orange with city lights, and there's an underwhelming amount of obnoxiously neon signs on these streets. Some store signs aren't even _lit up--_  just how rural _is_ this place? Oh!-- then, maybe when the nights aren't cloudy, she'll be able to see the stars?   
  
They end up parking at a brightly-lit grocery store and wander to a nearby takeout restaurant. The air's thick with rain soon to come and is quite chilly for spring-- the warmth of the restaurant they slip into is more than welcoming. It's a small place-- a few tables are set up inside with a couple tables occupied. Shiho very pointedly avoids their wandering curious stares.  
  
Three boxes of noodles ends up being the price of a single nice meal in Tokyo. And even better, from what she could peer at in the restaurant, they're possibly the best looking noodles she's seen in _years_. Not grossly greasy, or dangerously overcooked. The chunks of beef and chicken shine with just the right amount of sauce, and the vegetables don't seem still half frozen from the freezer. Sweet n Sour, General Tso's, Teriyaki-- the smell makes her want to crack a box open in the car, and from the pace her dad walks at, he wants to, too.   
  
Ah. The lack of city lights also makes the lights of a police car _much_  more stark. Both her and her dad falter-- they aren't near their car, were they? God, what if the police around here were crazy strict about parking _between the lines_. Her dad didn't have a great streak with being completely center, and the parking lot was empty, so he didn't exactly _try--_ what luck would _that_ be, not even six hours in Inaba and they've already gotten a _ticket_.   
  
But as they step closer, the car is parked in a side street close to the market. Her dad's shoulders drop in relief when there's no-one  by his car. There _are_ some standing outside the police cars, like there's something going on.   
  
One glances up and spots the two of them ogling. He smiles disarmingly at them, nods to his companion, and approaches.  
  
"Good evening," the officer says kindly. His hands are neatly tucked into his jacket pockets, posture open yet with a tension along his shoulders. "Sorry to bother the two of you this evening. I'm required to ask anyone I see, though— have you seen any suspicious activity nearby, recently? Biker gangs, suspicious figures, anything?"  
  
"No," her dad says curtly, his eyes drifting in the direction of the side street with a confused frown. _Biker gangs? Suspicious people?_  Shiho thinks absently, shifting the bag on her arm anxiously, _wait, didn't they say— didn't they say nothing happens around here?_ "We moved in today. Is something wrong?"  
  
A dawning realization crosses the officer's face. "Ah. No, not-- not necessarily. We're just keeping watch." The officer seems to mentally juggle what he should say. He ends up frowning and says, "Well... a first-year at Yasogami by the name of Tatsumi Kanji went missing recently, last seen by his mother's textile shop. He's possibly involved with activity in biker gangs. If you hear anything about him or see any activity, be sure to report it, yeah?"  
  
The smile her dad gives the officer is tense. "Understood. Thank you."  
  
Dinner isn't going to be as pleasant as she thought it would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, reading over the chapter: wow. every goddamn sentence has italics in it
> 
> Also— there's conversations over text in this, because y'know how Ann and Shiho are, but I'm gonna try and keep from having pages and pages of those conversations since they're a bit grating, I guess?;; I apologize in advanced!!
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and bookmarks and comments—! :"O I hope you enjoy!!

Shiho jerks awake as thunder cracks outside her window.  
  
The shutters rattle outside, and she can feel her bones vibrating with the resonance. Sheets of rain crash against her window, deafening, yet a mere white noise compared to the thunder. Sudden alarm hums in her veins, and she groans, knowing she won't sleep anytime soon.  
  
Her mom told her about this, hadn't she--? The neighbor warned there was going to be a storm tonight. _There's been a lot of storms recently,_ her mom recalled the neighbor's words. She rolls on her side and tries burying her head in blankets and pillows so it could maybe muffle it all, but it's fruitless. The air still cracks with the thunder and her whole room is lit with a flash.   
  
A dread settles in her bones when she looks towards her closet door. The Yasogami uniform hangs on the door handle like a mourning flag. The yellow looks solemn in the dark, occasionally illuminated a sickly glow by the lightning outside. She hadn't tried it on, yet-- it felt like an acceptance of her fate if she did, but-- really? She's already here. Might as well deal with it.  
  
Yet-- and _yet--_  
  
The buzz of her phone is sudden, even in the noise around her. She feels around for it-- her hand eventually brushes against the plastic case underneath her pillow, and she pulls it out. Clicking it on, the brightness nearly blinds her for a moment, even though it's on its lowest setting.   
  
Ann [1:42 A.M.]  
_hhhhhhhhhh inui's gonna killl meeeee  
i dont care about  the ancient olympics  >://  
can fail this test ,, pls,, i havent slept in days,,,  
_  
Shiho snorts despite herself. The sky rumbles outside, and she keys out a response.  
  
Shiho [1:43 A.M.]  
_idk... if you started earlier you could've had more time to sleep ://  
_  
Ann [1:43 A.M.]  
_what are u doing up young lady u better be going back to sleep  
and dont give me that!! u know my heart is dedicated to rewatching sailor moon  
_  
Shiho [1:43 A.M.]  
_says the one who messaged me  
sailor moon would want you to forgo watching her show and to study  
_  
Ann [1:44 A.M.]  
_have u even SEEN sailor moon?  
shed be in the same boat im in  
_  
She's miles away, miles and _miles_ away. It-- god, it's going to be awful, tomorrow-- Ann won't be there. She won't be there, she won't be there waiting at the metro, she won't greet her in the mornings with the smile that lights the days. She doesn't want to go, she _can't_  go, she doesn't know anyone there, she doesn't want to go--  
  
Shiho takes in a steadying breath. Her phone buzzes even though she hadn't responded.  
  
Ann [1:44 A.M.]  
_ur first day is tomorrow, yeah?  
hows the uniform?  
_  
Shiho [1:45 A.M.]  
_[image attached]  
what are your words, oh fashion goddess  
_  
Ann [1:45 A.M.]  
_hm.... it'll look cute on u  
definitely one hell of a uniform... doesnt beat shujin plaid, tho ;))  
have u gotten any sleep?  
_  
Shiho [1:45 A.M.]  
_I have, worry about yourself !!  
I dont wanna go  
_  
The uniform looms in the corner of her eyes. She's tired, so tired, her knees ache, she wants to go home. But now this is home-- this house, in the middle of nowhere, Inaba, filled with moving boxes and tense silences and unspoken thoughts. It's been like that since she left the hospital, even at the old apartment back in Tokyo, and-- when has _home_  felt like _home?  
_  
Ann [1:46 A.M.]  
_i know  
im sorry  
ill be here for ya, yeah?  
just one year there  
you can do it!!  
_  
Shiho squeezes her phone. She wishes she could have an ounce of the confidence Ann has for her.  
  
—  
  
Ann [8:14 A.M.]  
_so?? first impressions??  
_  
Shiho [8:14 A.M.]  
_its,, like any other school? maybe smaller than shujin?  
i might just be use to having the school smack dab in the center of the city, tho  
_  
Ann [8:14 A.M.]  
_isnt it just hills and hills out there??  
god... its kinda spooky to think about that... no crazy tall buildings within miles...  
_  
Shiho [8:15 A.M.]  
_hey, i think it's pretty quant out here  
_  
Shiho smiles. She tries to force her grip on her phone to loosen up, even just a bit, so her knuckles don't creak against it. In the classroom beside her, Morooka shouts loud enough she's sure the whole school can hear him. It makes her tense up a bit-- he wasn't that pleasant of a teacher first impression wise. He had scoffed when she walked into the teacher's office, and he grumbled the whole way to the classroom.  
  
She just hopes today's an off day for him.   
  
Ann [8:15 A.M.]  
_sure, sure  
how does it feel?? being one with nature??  
ahh the cool spring breeze, the pollutionless air--!!  
_  
Shiho [8:15 A.M.]  
_i think that pollution is finally messing with your head  
_  
Ann [8:15 A.M.]  
_HEY!!!  
_  
The door slides open abruptly beside her, making her jump and nearly launch her phone down the hall. She shoves it quickly into her pocket, swiping at her skirt for dirt that wasn't there.   
  
Morooka sneers, which looks kinda strange with his overbite. "You kids these days and your damn _phones_ _..._ " he spits, and stalks back to the podium without another word. Her hands shake, so she clenches them to keep them still. She takes a deep breath, thinking,  _please let this be a woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-bed morning_ , and steps in after him.   
  
The first thing she notices is that the class is dead silent. They stare at her owlishly, and briefly, she thinks something's wrong. Is her uniform crooked? Backwards? Inside out--? Her hair weird? The humidity might've made it flick up in weird places-- She spent so long this morning making sure everything was alright, though it was more out of an anxious habit rather than to make a good impression--  
  
Was-- was she walking weird? She straightens her back, eyes focused on her feet,  _right, left, right, left, one after the other--_  she didn't think her limp was  _bad_  today--  
  
Her fingernails bite into her palm and stands beside Morooka's podium.  _It's okay, it'll be okay_ , she thinks like a mantra, trying hard not to show her nerves. She won't-- _can't--_  let something like being introduced to class let her stumble. _They're looking because they're curious,_  she reasons, which does a significant amount to reducing the tension in her back, _they're not looking because they're malicious. They're not looking because you walk weird. They're not. It's okay._

"Lets hurry an' get this over with before I waste any more of my time," Morooka says, scowling in her direction. The tension regrows along her spine from his scrutiny. Just as she opens her mouth to introduce herself, he cuts her off-- "Due to some trashy circumstances, this kid's been tossed to this dump not even a quarter through the stinkin' year. Couldn't even wait till the end of the semester, huh?" He looks towards her, as if actually _asking_ her. 

Her limbs suddenly feel like they're locking up under his mocking glare. Her mouth goes dry.  _Is this for real?_  she thinks, a bit astounded, because wouldn't the teachers here be warned of--  
  
"I..." she starts, maybe to say  _something_  back, because he's looking at her like he wants an answer. But-- what is there to say? What answer can she _give?_  She doesn't want to be here, he doesn't want her to be here, so--  
  
_Is this what it was like for Akira?_  Shiho thinks fleetingly, glancing towards her new classmates yet not at all-- none of them wear an expression, an indication, even a _hint_  of what she should do--  _he_ \-- _he had it so much worse, didn't he? People thought he was awful before he even stepped foot in the school--_ _  
  
_ "Well? Hurry an' tell them who ya are." He sounds agitated. He motions back towards the class like it's a dismissal.   
  
Shiho chews on the inside of her cheek and tries to steel her nerves. "I'm. I'm Suzui Shiho," she says, trying not to trip up with all the eyes on her, "It's nice to meet you."  
  
"You  _shits_  better not think about tryin' anything funny," Morooka says abruptly, his eyes darting from boy to boy with a nasty glare. "She's comin' straight from Tokyo, and while that place is a shithole and full of assholes, none of you baboons can measure up. I better not see any funny business goin' on later!"   
  
_Are_ — _are teachers allowed to curse this much?_  Shiho blinks, glancing towards him. She doesn't know whether or not to be grateful-- it's hard to tell with the mix of insults in his words. No one in the class looks put-off by his word choice, which doesn't exactly _help.  
_  
"You, you're gonna sit over there," he says, motioning vaguely in the direction of the second to last row of desks, near the door. She takes this as her leave, trying not to acknowledge the eyes following her as she sits down in her seat. The girl next to her is silent, staring openly, chin propped up in her hand, eyes half-closed. Some people towards the front of the class crane around in their seats, peering at her. She tries to ignore the stares, the whispers that quietly arise, and she twiddles her thumbs. This is awful, _awful--_ _  
_  
Soon enough, Morooka starts teaching (can she call it that? it's more aggressive than any teacher she's ever seen-- Ushimaru can’t even top it) and focus is shifted off her for a while.   
  
She slips her phone out of her pocket, trying to discreetly hide the fact that she's on it. Honestly-- she doesn't care. Her body's too tense and high strung and she really just wants to see Ann.  
  
Ann [8:16 A.M.]  
_shiho?  
ya still there?  
_  
Shiho [8:24 A.M.]  
_I think my homeroom teacher beats ryuji in terms of how much he swears  
_  
Ann [8:24 A.M.]  
_oh!! did u just get introduced to your class!!  
how was it!!  
_  
Shiho [8:24 A.M.]   
_not. the best?  
i kinda just want the day to be over  
aren't you meant to be focusing on class  
_  
Ann [8:25 A.M.]  
_youre much more important than whatever ushimarus talking about ://  
besides!! u say that as if we didnt text each other during class time at all !!  
be sure to message me when your break and lunch is!!   
ill try to keep messages in those time so i dont get ya in trouble so early on  
so!! im gonna go radio silent for now so ya dont get scolded  
good luck!! ♥♥  
message me if ya need anything!!!  
_  
The corners of her mouth lift up ever so slightly.   
  
—  
  
Shiho's never been one for being the center of attention. It was just a guarantee, being quiet-natured and friends with a foreign-looking student that everyone seemed to have a vendetta against. Ann's always been the one to dispel unwanted attention previously, too. But she's not _here--_  so when a couple of students crowd around her desk after class ends, she can feel herself freezing up.  
  
"So, you're from Tokyo, too!" One peppy girl says, her hair pulled into a half pony tail. "What chance! It's so rare to get transfers here in the same year! And for them to be from _Tokyo!"  
  
_ "I wonder if it's gonna be a trend, like more people from the city will come flooding in," the girl with glasses says.   
  
"How's the jump, huh?" The boy who sits in front of her asks, sitting backwards in his seat to face her. She bristles at the question, ice creeping in her veins. He grins innocently, to which she realizes  _of course they wouldn't know, don't worry, its just weird phrasing,_  "Seta-san didn't say much about it. What about you? From the city to the middle of nowhere?"  
  
Its quiet for a beat, and Shiho really wished they weren't looking at her. "It's... alright, I mean," Shiho says slowly, trying to choose words that aren't too strong in feeling. She had lived in Tokyo for her whole life, and the countryside is so, so different, but she doesn't know how to explain the feeling to these people. She doesn't think any of them will really understand what it's like to be plunged into silence after being surrounded by noise her whole life. "It's... kinda nice being able to see an actual hillside when I walk around, though?"   
  
The girl with glasses giggles at her response. "Nature over industry, right? Seta-san adjusted pretty quickly, so I don't think it should be a problem for you!"  
  
Well, sure. But that's also _Seta-san._  Seta-san probably wasn't booted from his home, his friends, his _life_ _,_ all because of the decisions that were outside of his reach, and then dumped off in a place so different, so far away from all he's known. She _isn't_ Seta-san, and she _doesn't want to be here.  
_  
Shiho smiles instead and pinches the back of her hand. "Hopefully."   
  
"Have you had the chance to wonder around Inaba yet?" the boy in front of her asks idly. Shiho briefly wonders how long break is, so she doesn't have to sit through much longer of this. She wishes this could just end. She wishes the day would end.  
  
"I have," she says, trying to ward off the strain in her spine. "Um, I didn't get to see much, though. We only went to a noodle place, really, which wasn't far..."  
  
"Oh! You mean Shishio's Noodle Bar?" One of the girl chimes. Shiho can only nod yes, because she doesn't really know what place it was and it seemed like the proper thing to say. "I love that place! They just put the right amount of sauce on, and the perfect amount of meat in!" the girl gushes, "There's tons of independent restaurants around here, and all of them are incredible!! You really need to try them all, Suzui-san!"  
  
Shiho tries to say something back, maybe like  _the noodles were great_  or _what are your favorite places_  or just _ok_ , because that seems like the things to say, she can't just  _give up_  having an okay school year here just because she doesn't want to be here, right? Even if her skin is crawling at the prospect of conversation with strangers. Ann would want her to try, wouldn't she? And besides, these people-- they're trying to make the effort to talk to her, she has to at least respond. Maybe they want to be friends?  
  
But— she finds herself drowned out the second she opens her mouth. "Oh, have you been to the Steak House recently?" the glasses girl asks, unknowingly right over Shiho's quiet words, "they added a new flavor and a kebob option! It's super tasty!"  
  
"No _way!_ I gotta try some now! You wanna come with me after school?"  
  
"Definitely! You wanna come, Asahi?"  
  
"Oh, hell yeah! I'd never pass up going to that place!"   
  
"We can go if it's not raining after school. I swear, all it's been doing is raining! Some spring it is..."  
  
"It's karma! We didn't get much snow, so now we have tons of rain."  
  
Ah. Suddenly, it's like a void has grown around her and the people lounging on the desks around her. She knows these people are _trying_ , maybe, _trying_  to welcome her here, to make her not feel lonely, _maybe to be friends,_  but-- she doesn't feel there, not physically, with people talking all around her, and--  
  
She squeezes her phone. It'd be rude to pull it out and text Ann, wouldn't it? These people seem nosey, they might ask her who--  
  
"Ah, isn't the Steak House near where the police are hanging out, though?" The boy asks solemnly, arms crossed over the back of his chair. "The street might be blocked off, since they're investigating every corner of Inaba."  
  
The glasses girl grumbles aloud. "What a pain! I swear, they're just everywhere now-a-days, especially since Tatsumi went missing..."  
  
_Tatsumi_. Shiho remembers that name. She remembers the police officer asking her and her father, in the dark of night, if they knew where the kid was. Wasn't he a student at Yasogami? These-- these people don't seem particularly alarmed that he's missing.   
  
"I, uh--" Shiho starts, curiosity bubbling out of her. Should she even ask-- well-- it's a little late to recoil, with the curious expression on the boy's face and the two girls peering at her. She swallows, and starts again. "I-- who... who is Tatsumi Kanji?"

The reaction... isn't what she expected, if she's being truthful. The boy's mouth twists into a brief sneer, the girls scowling. It's like she spoke words of taboo, and not someone's name.   
  
"Tatsumi? He's just a punk." The boy waves it off, like he isn't someone _missing_. "All he knows how to do is pick a fight. Some first year asshole-- thought he was on top of the school..."  
  
"Don't worry about him, Suzui-san," one girl says politely, yet it's the furthest thing from it, "he's probably off with a gang doing who knows what-- drugs, getting drunk, whatever. He's total a creep."  
  
And. And it hits her like how it was with Akira. She remembers dimly, words of warning, pointing fingers, averted gazes, all regarding a transfer student with curly hair and dorky glasses, _don't speak to him, he's a criminal, you know?_ Akira only wanted to live quietly, and yet-- his whole life in Tokyo, shattered, from day one.   
  
Yet-- yet he was nothing like what people said, he _wasn't_  a bad person. Ann trusts him, trusts him wholeheartedly. She told Shiho that he's exactly the dork that he looks like, he loves Big Bang burger challenges, he loves cats, he's a prankster, he-- he didn't deserve to have everyone scorn him-- And she remembers the quiet confession of Mishima to her, his hands shaking violently, eyes glassed over,  _he told me to. He told me to ruin Kurusu's life, to share the criminal records. All because of Kamoshida--_ _  
  
_ Shiho doesn't know Tatsumi Kanji, doesn't know if he's _actually_  a creep or a punk or an asshole, but he's still missing. Shouldn't-- shouldn't they in the least _care--_ _?  
_  
"Hey, lay _off."_  
  
They all turn— there's a group of kids sitting in the middle section of the classroom, two of them glaring. The two glaring are both brunettes, and there's a black-haired girl trying to divert their attention, with quiet ' _don't start a fight, you guys_ \-- _'_  yet with a hard look in her eyes, and a gray-haired boy sitting down, a mix of a scowl and a simple frown on his face. His eyes are sharp, but he's not stand-offish as the other two.  
  
A girl scowls in front of her. "What are you talking about, Hanamura?"  
  
"Tatsumi isn't some  _creep_ or _asshole_. All of you just are judging him without knowing who he really is," the brunette girl says, fists clenched by her sides.   
  
"I don't know about that," the boy in front of her says languidly, "Don't you know the kind of deals he's been making with those biker gangs? He's a delinquent, through-and-through."  
  
The brunette boy looks ready to retaliate, but the bell cuts him off before he can start.   
  
The people around her disperse, her seat mate returns, and class starts. Shiho fiddles with her phone, and wants to leave.  
  
—  
  
Shiho resorts to fleeing from the classroom when lunch begins, hoping to avoid any curious classmates and to maybe figure her way around the building. She opted out for lunch, anyways-- she left the box on the counter, knowing that she might not be able to eat with her stomach roiling with nervous energy from being in this school.   
  
The halls are sparse with students. Some talking, some wandering, some staring. She bristles, knowing she’s like a sore thumb in this school-- in Inaba, really, which is apparently so countryside that a new family moving in was about the most intriguing thing around. That can’t possibly be true-- sure, Inaba wasn’t _big,_ the high school even smaller, but there’s no way that this community was so tightly knit that everyone knew everyone so anyone outside of the goddamn place was the most interesting person around, with stories of places so far away. There’s a train station here, it can’t be like there’s no outsiders around. She just wishes Ann was responding so she could keep her attention off the lingering looks and curious glances.   
  
She heads up a flight of stairs, trying to scope a library she might be able to stake out lunch in for the rest of the school year. It’s always quiet in the library, and hopefully it’ll keep any students from trying to talk to her. Especially with just being there, in the classroom, surrounded but alone, included but only because of proximity-- she doesn’t think she has the guts to really talk with anyone today, anyways. She might not have the guts to talk in the next few weeks-- she’s never been the new kid, never been in a different house, never not been surrounded by busy streets, she’s only known her home in Tokyo.   
  
She can’t find the library or any club rooms, which is kinda strange. Maybe they’re on the first floor? There’s another set of stairs ahead of her; it’s either the rooftop, or another floor that might have them. She doesn’t see anyone else heading up, so it must be the roof? Ah. Well, she’s still got time to explore. The roof might be a place of solitude if the library isn’t.  
  
_Kinda ironic,_ she thinks fleetingly, footsteps quiet as she goes up. The hallway is bright with light from a set of doors-- it’s the roof. There’s no signs or anything to keep students out, so Yasogami must be one of those schools where the roofs are open. Shujin wasn’t, but it’s not like anyone really cared. She briefly wonders how things would be if they did.  
  
She opens the door, and the wind immediately seems to pick up the second she does, sending her hair whipping around behind in her pony tail.  The air’s weighty with rain soon to come, but it’s only fairly cloudy out. Ah, wow-- the roof is clean, free of abandoned desks and instead has an applaudable amount of solar panels set up. There’s a couple of students up here already, talking amongst themselves and picking at bento boxes resting on their laps.   
  
It’s a big, open space. It’s nearly strange not to see tall buildings blotting out the sky, or casting long shadows over the rooftop. It sets the roof as a whole different entity in her mind-- her knees ache, but not in the same crippling way they did on Shujin’s, when she stood up there with Ann and Akira and tried to keep face while looking down. It’s bright, clean, and she can see the sky.   
  
So. Maybe it is a kind of fresh start. She still hates Inaba and wants to be back in Tokyo, but hey, it’s something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't as long as I hoped it be but pacing is hell— next chap will hopefully be longer, but it also may take longer for me to get around to posting it,,
> 
> Feel free to ask any questions!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Forgot to mention that the title is from Insomnia by Electric President! Its derives from the line "And the wind sounds as if the world's sighing." I listen to the song every now and then while writing to get me inspired I guess!!
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos comments and bookmarks!! :"O I hope you enjoy!! Feel free to ask questions!!

She realizes very quickly there is very little to do in Inaba.  
  
Not for the first time and certainly not the last, Shiho longs for Tokyo. She doesn't think a lifetime spent in Tokyo would be enough time to do everything there. The city's always bustling, always changing, always growing-- there's always something new, something to try. Ann was there, too, always bounding by her side, leading her to a new place to go to.  
  
Inaba has a river, a shrine, an inn, and a market. There are plenty of mom-and-pop stores, plenty of tiny businesses that take up a sixteenth of a street block. In a week, Shiho has already scoured through nearly all of them.  
  
It's probably something her parents overlooked, too. They're restless, itching for more motion and more activity and just _more_  than what this tiny place offers. They're no different from her-- they lived in Tokyo longer than she's been alive, and they've been through the growth of Tokyo. There's no way they don't long for the gray and musty streets over the clear and small roads here at least every now and then.  
  
They're making friends with the locals, because that's all there really is to do. They get jobs, her mom at an antique shop, her dad a carpenter. Maybe they're getting used to the rural air, maybe not-- she wonders if they've considered moving back to Tokyo once she's graduated and shipped off to a college, or if they'll come to like this place and live here from now on.  
  
They find their own ways to burn the day away. It unluckily lines up with the time Shiho has school, and they're home whenever she gets to the house. In the late afternoon, their house is quiet even though there are people in it.   
  
She wonders what her parents think when she gets home later and later, purposely avoiding being in a house where guilty gazes weigh down on her shoulders, the tension in the air that makes her suffocate.   
  
With little to do in Inaba, she very quickly runs out of things to keep her occupied while she prolongs the time she gets home. There's only so much a friendless, penniless teenager could do. Maybe she could get a job to get money and to take up time, or maybe even join a club at school, but then it'll tie her down to this place.   
  
Frequently, she wishes Ann was here. She'd be able to make the best of this place. Even with the cheerful chatter and encouraging words from the near-constant buzzing of her phone, it will never match up to being actually with her.  
  
She's a little envious of Ryuji and Akira, who get to see her daily. She's glad they're friends.  
  
More often than not, she ends up hanging around the school grounds. She's already gone through the town, but she doesn't have money of her own, and she doesn't want to deal with the off-chance she'll come across her parents in public. It's past the end of the day, and the other students head off to club activities or to head home. Usually she's left in peace.   
  
She finds some place to burn time in-- usually its the library (she finally found it-- it was on the second floor this whole time, she just passed it by mistake), where few students linger in after hours and even fewer try to speak to her. Other students _still_  keep trying to talk to her, and she knows she should _try_ to act like a normal person and respond properly, but her tongue feels like gauze when she opens it and her stomach sinks because she can't even act like she wants to be here. The library gives her the solitude she needs from the other students, but it's also too quiet, too soundless, too similar to the home she's avoiding, and it closes a couple hours earlier than the school does.   
  
So then she wanders around until she knows its safe to enter town without seeing her parents, or until school closes. Around this time, very little students are around, the only ones being in clubs or practice for sports. She can wander without interruption until her legs begin to ache, the pain beneath her kneecaps too strong, and usually ends up sitting on a bench until they decide to work like how she wants them to.   
  
She wears the knee brace. It makes no damn difference whether or not she wears it-- the weather and the hills are a killer combo. She only wears it because her parent asked it of her. She'd rather go without it, even though she knows she wouldn't be able to move as much as she is, because her classmates will peer at it and she can see the questions on the tips of their tongues.  
  
She rubs her knee absently. The sky's clear for the most part, spotted with occasional clouds. The bench she ended up on has a clear view of the practice building and the lot in front of it, one that the Soccer team is using for a practice game. Some seem dearly invested in their little game, some don't.  
  
Something settles heavy in her gut. It's something like dread, an itch-- it's not a good feeling, and she shifts restlessly to quell it.  _They're... They're not trying. Won't their coach be angry that they're not trying--?_  She looks around, but there's no coach scrutinizing the players. No coach barking out orders that are do or die. They're allowed to slack. A breath leaves her in a rush, one she didn't realize she was holding.  
  
She doesn't know if she's envious or glad for them.   
  
Maybe she's envious because her teammates weren't given the same slack. Not in the slightest. She wonders if Yui's arm was set properly, or if Inuoka's shoulder healed fully. She wonders if any of them can be in the gymnasium without feeling a phantom ache in their joints. Wonders if any of them are better now that he's been shipped off to jail. Wonders if they can still play volleyball and still be able to breathe.  
  
But maybe she's glad-- they don't have to experience what Shujin volleyball players went through. She's glad some of them look like they're enjoying what they're doing. There's claps on the backs, encouraging shouts, beaming grins. She wishes those were a part of the volleyball practices she was in, but finds that she's glad someone else can enjoy themselves.  
  
—  
  
Ann [7:43 P.M.]  
_u remember that time u said my art was shit_  
  
Shiho [7:43 P.M.]  
_you never let me forget  
_  
Ann [7:43 P.M.]  
_:/_  
_ANYWAYS_  
_i think ive gotten better_  
_being around yusuke has like,, helped me realize im better than u say_  
  
Shiho [7:44 P.M.]  
_we were seven of course you were awful  
_  
Ann [7:44 P.M.]  
_STILL!!  
_  
Shiho finds herself rolling her eyes. Yusuke was a recent addition to Ann's mismatched group of friends-- an eccentric artist who goes to Kousei rather than Shujin. It's a wonder how they met, more-less even meet up outside of school. She's glad there's another to the list of Ann's friends-- even if it was a bit rocky in the start, if what Ann's told her is true.  
  
The neighborhood is quiet for the most part. Well. It's always quiet, really. But it's particularly silent today-- absently, she realizes that she's coming home later than she usually would. The daylight's already waning, and people have already retreated home for dinner. She wonders if she's missed dinner herself.  
  
Her parents haven't said much about how late she's been getting home. She doesn't know if they think she's in a club or something, or if they know she's just loitering instead of coming home. They don't say much to her these days. She's not sure if they've finally gave up on idle awkward conversations or not.  
  
Shiho [7:44 P.M.]  
_is his overflowing creativity influencing you??_  
  
Ann [7:44 P.M.]  
_hopefully_  
_maybe ill send u a nice ole portrait, yeah?_  
  
Shiho [7:45 P.M.]  
_it better be done in glitter pens or I dont want it!!_  
  
The house isn't quiet when she steps in. The TV is on for once, after a week of frustrating difficulty with hooking it up properly. There's the sound of dishes moving in the kitchen, clinking of porcelain on the counters, and ah. She hasn't missed dinner.  
  
"Is that you, Shiho?" her mom calls out. She peering down the hall and directly spots her, standing in the foyer uncertainly. "Welcome back. We're having japchae."  
  
"Ah. Alright," Shiho says absently. Japchae's a sit down meal in this household. She can't escape to her room with a bowl of it-- she'll be stuck at the table. She feels guilty with the way her shoulders tense and her legs don't move, because family dinner _shouldn't_ stress her out this much. _You're worrying over nothing,_  she thinks forcefully, and quietly takes off her shoes and sets down her bag.   
  
Both of her parents are in the kitchen, her dad working on the setting the table, her mom with the japchae. They're seemingly content, weaving around each other and keeping pace in a conversation. They like this kitchen much more than their old one-- much more space, apparently, and the countertops are a lot prettier than the dull tan of the old apartment. She feels out of place, standing there, so she takes a seat even though she's antsy.   
  
In no time, everything is set out on the table. Her parents sit across from each other, and she's stuck in the middle of them. The TV's volume has been lowered at some point, to a level that it's just a background noise that keeps the house from being overwhelmed by silence.   
  
It's quiet at the table, though the dishes move and clink, and brief words of _'can you pass me the plate'_  and _'do you want seconds,'_  its quiet. There's no continuation of the conversation they were having in the kitchen earlier, even though it seemed like it could span on longer from what she could hear of it. Shiho's skin prickles at the silence, cause it's not exactly tense-- it's more calculating, more waiting for the proper time to speak and not seem off about it.  
  
She wishes that eating her food quick wouldn't be seen as rude, or as a way to escape.  
  
"So, how's school been, kiddo?" Her dad starts, breaking the ice. He actually makes eye contact with her. He doesn't glance away, avert his eyes-- it throws her off. There's very little guilt in his eyes, the kind that she's seen so much of in the past month. She can't tell if this conversation is genuine, or if he feels bad for not talking to her as much as a parent should.   
  
Shiho feels her phone buzz in her pocket. It's probably Ann. She breathes in. "Like... Like how school normally is, I guess. Not interesting?"  
  
Her mom blinks at her. "So you haven't had any problems catching up?"  
  
Two months. She missed two months of school. (Her life, too). It's two months of stuff for all of her classes-- and the curriculum is different here. It would be basically starting from scratch. She struggled, and is still struggling-- it takes a lot to cram so much stuff missed into the time she has, and on top of that, learn what's being taught at the moment. She hasn't told them she's basically given up on catching up.  
  
"Not really," she smiles something sheepish, something not really a smile. It'll work out most likely. She'll just have to cram more for the exams. "Just a little splotchy, I guess. There's a few things here that they learned that they didn't teach at Shujin."  
  
"Ah. Have you asked for help from classmates or teachers?" Her mom questions. She's paused from eating. Not a good sign. She wants to have a conversation, now that she's got Shiho trapped under obligation for family dinners.  
  
She debates lying. She's kept away from talking with anyone at school. It doesn't feel right to-- she doesn't exactly want to see their faces shift ever so slightly when she asks, coming something closer to pity towards her. She doesn't want to start, because then they'll come across the face that she _doesn't know_  all that much anymore, and they'll ask _why_ , and she cannot. Cannot. Let any of these students know of why she left Shujin. But her parents know she's been getting back late. They might want her to come home earlier to study more if she says she's avoided getting help. "Sometimes," she settles with. It's an answer that'll keep them from pushing.   
  
The atmosphere shifts. She doesn't know if its for better or for worse, or if her parents are coming onto something. The dining table feels more like an interrogation table, and she just wishes that it wasn't rude to get up, clean her dishes, and flee.  
  
"Have you joined any clubs, yet? Maybe considered any?" her dad prompts, because her mom is gnashing her teeth quietly, maybe trying to see if there was any underlying context or hints in her single word response.  
  
They know she can't play sports anymore. They  _know._  It's a blaring reminder on the forefront of their mind, every breathing second they look at her, because they see the old bruises and bandages and the leg brace when they didn't see before. They also know she can't paint, she can't sing, she can't act, she can't play an instrument, she can't do much of anything except  _volleyball_  and _that_  had been torn from her hands.   
  
"Um, no, not... not really," Shiho trails. She sees the question between the lines in bold text. _Why are you coming home so late._    
  
They know she doesn't have anything to do. She doesn't have Ann here. There's nothing in town to do. She's not in a club, she doesn't have a job. They probably have the sneaking suspicion she doesn't have friends, either.   
  
She doesn't know if they're blaming themselves for that.  
  
Her phone buzzes again, quietly, like a reassurance. She tries to harbor the confidence Ann has for her.   
  
"I've. I've been helping around the school n stuff." Her mouth tastes like ash. She hasn't. She hasn't given Yasogami more thought that it deserves. "Kinda... y'know, helping organize the library." If you stretch it till its paper thin, you could possibly call it a truth. Occasionally she'll pick up an left behind book and put it back where it belongs. She really only sits and burns time in the library rather than voluntarily go out and help around. But its so _far_  from what she's saying, and her knuckles creak on the edge of her seat.   
  
"Ah, so a library helper!" Her mom latches onto this, eyes twinkling.   
  
Shiho smiles sheepishly. "Sure. Yeah. Somewhat."   
  
All she can taste is ash, and she tries to eat some more, but it tastes like nothing. It's good to lie sometimes, right? Some lies are good. White lies. Her parents have been so cautious around her-- she doesn't think she can handle them if she was truthful. She doesn't think she can handle their gentle words, their encouragements, their earnest pleas of _please try_  because she can't help simmering on the idea that they're only trying so hard to make up for when they overlooked bruises that couldn't have come from just volleyball practice. To make up for not realizing that one morning she planned on not returning home that day.  
  
The rest of dinner fades into the back of her mind. Her dad starts talking about his old job as a librarian years ago, and her mom bounces back with stories of her own. She eats absently, her arms and legs and body so heavy with the brush of guilt. After washing the dishes, she leaves politely, having dipped out of the conversation a while ago. Her legs ache when she goes to her room and flops onto her bed.   
  
For a moment, she just lies there, letting her nerves settle into something manageable. She mourns for the time she could eat peacefully with her parents.  
  
She pulls her phone out absently. The case is peeling. She might need a new one soon.  
  
Ann [7:45 P.M.]  
_as if i would draw with anything else that's not glitter_  
_u insult me_  
_jfjlsdfj just got takoyaki its crazy good_  
_ill drag u here to get some its??_  
_not greasy enough to kill my appetite for once !!_  
  
Shiho [8:01 P.M.]  
_sorry had to eat_  
_damn who convinced you to eat takoyaki_  
_usually you'd look at me like i was asking ya to die if i suggested it ://_  
  
Ann [8:01 P.M.]  
_yusuke wanted to try some_  
_dude only eats cup noodles, can u believe it!!_  
_i feel like... completely obligated to expand his horizons_  
  
Shiho [8:02 P.M.]  
_holy shit_  
_only cup noodles? how has he not died of sodium??_  
  
Ann [8:02 A.M.]  
_art jesus might be lookin down on him_  
_well maybe not_  
_he aint doing a good job keeping yusuke from spending all his goddam money on art. supplies_  
_thats the only reason he really eats cup noodles_  
_he broke  
i might have to teach him the ways of budgeting_  
  
Shiho [8:02 P.M.]  
_ah yes_  
_you_  
 _takamaki ann_  
_the one who most definitely does not spend all of her allowance on clothes the day she gets it_  
  
Ann [8:02 P.M.]  
_why cant u let me dream_  
  
—  
  
Maybe the best part about being quiet and fading into the background is that she learns a lot about the people around her. She knows her seat mate plays clarinet and really sucks at science, the boy in the front row two from the window works with his parents at an old liquor store and may or may not have brought some to school, the buzzcut boy who comes in during lunch to eat with the boy directly in front of her is crushing hard on a third year and plans on asking her out, and the girl with the red cardigan in the middle row is the daughter of Amagi Inn and was missing for a week just last month.  
  
She seems fine and dandy for having been missing. Shiho doesn't know if she can take it as a sign that Tatsumi Kanji will be found and be okay-- if she's fine, he might be too, right?   
  
It doesn't help that in the same line of conversation she's listening in on she learns of two recent murders of a news reporter and a student at Yasogami.  
  
With the way people of Inaba are so _gossip-y_ , she's kinda surprised and alarmed she didn't hear about this from day one. She only learned of Tatsumi from a policeman-- would she have never heard of him if it weren't for that encounter? And-- the policeman didn't say anything about the _murders_. She personally thinks that would be the _number one_ thing to tell people, especially those who just moved there, that yes, there was most definitely someone going around Inaba killing and kidnapping people.  
  
Two murders and two missing cases. Nothing happens here-- shouldn't that be the talk of the town or something? Maybe everyone was so used to each other that they just _couldn't_  believe that someone decided to turn a new leaf and go _nuts_ , or they're all just very good at acting like there was nothing disrupting their quiet routine of the countryside.   
  
Shiho wonders if her parents are even vaguely aware of this. They-- they have to be, right? They talk with the townsfolk much more than she does. It could be that the reason Shiho didn't _know_  was because she just doesn't talk to people. But-- they still let her roam free after school (though she isn't doing what they think she's doing). Her dad had been so tense after the encounter with the police officer, too-- the prospect of _kidnapping_  and _missing high school kids_ is one hell of a detour from the _fresh new start_  they thought Inaba could provide. Surely that would have made them more worried--?  
  
And, now that she thinks of it; she doesn't know how much it affects Inaba overall. She doesn't know how many students go straight home after school, or how many families are on edge. She doesn't know if relationships are more tense, because the killer and kidnapper is _somewhere,_  but _who?_  
  
She feels like a creep for glancing over to the girl with the red cardigan, but _what the hell._  She laughs with her group of friends, eyes crinkled and nose scrunched until her laugh becomes closer to an ugly laugh. Would she have seen whoever it was? She-- she had to, right?   
  
Shiho adverts her eyes.  _This town is weird,_  is what she settles on.   
  
"Ah-- Suzui-san?"  
  
Startled, she looks up. It's her seat mate's friend. She has long hair and teardrop-shaped eyes, and distantly reminds Shiho of a classmate from Shujin. It's enough to make her long for that goddamn school, with its stupid cursed hallways, cursed classrooms.   
  
"Yes?" Shiho says belatedly, realizing a moment late that she's meant to respond. The girl doesn't seem to mind, though-- she smiles politely, and Shiho tries to not feel silly.  
  
"Have you joined any clubs, yet?" she asks airly. Shiho pauses and wonders _why is this the question of the week._  She misreads Shiho's brief silence as something else, and adds on quickly, "I, uh, I've got the responsibility of recruiting for the girl's soccer team, and if you're interested..."  
  
Ah. Shiho smiles, even though she becomes conscious of the thudding ache in her legs. She's touched, honestly, even though it's a thing she can never partake in, because the other still  _asked_  and that's really really nice of her. She wanted to try playing soccer, once. "Ah, um. I'm sorry," she starts, and the other deflates slightly. "I-- I would, honestly, but the weather around here's been making my legs act up. I don't think I'd be able to play reliably..."  
  
The other girl smiles sheepishly and grows flustered. Her seat mate blinks in surprise, having listened in but not disruptively. "No, I totally understand! Leg injuries are awful-- sorry, I didn't realize..." she rubs the back of her neck.   
  
Shiho waves away the apology, "It's no problem, I, I don't exactly wear my knee brace as much as I should." The doctors told her to keep from doing too much physical activity, as it always had the chance of old wounds becoming agitated and unbearable. The hills around here were enough of a hike to strain the idea of _physical activity._  
  
"Woah, what did you even do?" her seat mate asks, too blunt and a little too loudly. It brings the attention of some students, who look over curiously to what she's asking. She glances down openly towards Shiho's knee, the one with the brace fit snuggly over it. Her friend swipes at her arm, chastising her, saying its _rude_. Shiho's shoulders pull in at all the attention.  
  
She shrugs. "Bad fall."  
  
—  
  
It definitely says something when one of the biggest things in Inaba is the department store. _Especially_ one that has possibly the most grating jingles around.  
  
She doesn't know where to start. Clutched in her hand is a grocery list from her mom, who had smiled sheepishly and handed it to her a handful of minutes after she got home. Junes was only a long walk away, it's not like she could  _refuse_. It wasn't a long list, but this place is fairly huge-- she hopes she doesn't spend more than an hour here.   
  
She must've come in at some kind of rush hour-- there's enough people in here that she occasionally has to wedge by a couple people standing and chatting in the middle of the isle, which _really_  sucks because sometimes they're standing in front of the things she needs and she does not have the guts to tell someone to take their conversation elsewhere because they're standing in front of the stupid chives.   
  
Tthe further into the store she gets, the less people she sees. Then again, she feels like she's getting more and more lost-- this place is impossibly _big_. Its so dim and spacious and the music is so  _distant_  if she didn't know any better she'd think she was in a twilight zone of some sort. Must be the lighting or something. Maybe the music? Or maybe the way that every isle looks basically the same? It definitely competes with the 777s she used to visit in the middle of the night. Now _those_  were definitely liminal spaces.  
  
Even though 777s were gross and small and usually understocked, it was probably the place Shiho went to the most besides home and school. It had the food her parents sent her out to get last minute, and it was the place where the slushie machines were. Although she swore up and down that she was on a _terrible strict diet_ , Ann always wanted to get some kind of slushie at the 777 if they weren't around the crepe shop in Shibuya. The cashier _recognized_ them, even told them what flavors were out when they came in. They weren't even that good-- they just happen to be cheap and sweet, and that's all it really takes to be a godsend at one in the morning.   
  
Wasn't there some sort of food court near the entrance of this place? Maybe they have a slushie machine? Hopefully they're not too uppity about the machine so she could make unfathomable combos of flavors that should not be mixed. Even if those slushies make her teeth ache from artificial flavoring and gross amounts of sugar, she's craving one now that she's thinking about it.  
  
Shiho sighs, grabbing a small bag of rice and absently checking her phone. It was quiet, the screen devoid of messages from either Ann or her parents. Her parents' silence she could understand-- they preferred to call. But Ann? Ann's been crazy busy recently-- _modeling gigs usually don't take all that long, do they?_  Shiho wonders, looking up in thought. She once wanted to tag along and watch what its like, but Ann had been so adamant on her _not_  going because her coworker was a bitch or something along that line. Maybe some days the shoots are longer...?  
  
And it crosses her.  _I wonder if they have any magazines with her in it around here!_ She thinks, smiling at the idea of it. There's probably magazine stands near the check out, or somewhere else in this store. She just needs to get two more things and then she can go--!  
  
There is a child down the isle, looking up longingly towards some pudding cups that are most definitely out of her reach.  
  
Shiho stops. And she looks. Looks for a while. _What the hell._ This kid cannot be older than _six,_  and she is standing alone in a department store. _Alone._    
  
Sure, the store's full of cameras and people to witness, but isn't it _dangerous_  to leave a kid unattended? Maybe she's lost? No-- she looks surefooted, somehow, for a six year old. Maybe her parent stepped into another isle, accidentally leaving her to linger in front of the pudding...?  
  
She is giving the pudding the look of a life time-- there is so much longing in her eyes. How in the _hell_  can there be so much want in a kid's eyes? The only way she would be able to reach the pudding is by climbing the shelves, and she looks too nervous to try, but Shiho _knows_  the kid seriously considered doing it at some point.  
  
Shiho shuffles her feet. She's got to do something about this kid being alone, right? It's the proper thing to do, isn't it? It wouldn't sit right in her stomach if she left the kid to her own devices if she actually was lost or left behind. Ah-- but what if she _freaks out?_ Shiho doesn't think she looks scary, but children are unpredictable and being approached by _anyone_  when scared is a catalyst to a meltdown. Then again, this kid doesn't _look_ scared or lost. So, maybe...  
  
"Um," she finds herself starting, a bit weak. The girl didn't hear her. "Uh. Do you need any help?"   
  
Large brown eyes turn to her. The little girl has pigtails and possibly one of the most mixed emotion looks she's ever seen. It's caught somewhere between distraught and sorrowful, and it's probably because she's maybe two feet too short from being able to reach those pudding cups. She looks back towards the top shelves slowly. "Um. If it wouldn't be much trouble..." she says, voice quiet and high and looks away shyly. She looks really put out from her inability to reach up that high.   
  
In three long strides, Shiho stands next to the little girl and reaches up, shifting the basket in her arms so it doesn't knock into the kid's head. "These?" she asks, hand hovering just in front of the special, limited edition chocolate swirl pudding. The girl nods a yes, and Shiho hands it to her. She holds it like its made of pure gold, and it's really cute to see how enamored she is with it.   
  
"Hey, um," Shiho starts, pulling the girl's attention from the pack. It's some kind of social obligation to help lonely kids in stores, right? No one really had a protocol to follow when doing it, and she doesn't want to scare the kid off. "Are you alone?" Shiho asks, trying not to feel awkward under the curious look of this kid. She winces, because that sounded  _really_ weird, much weirder than she thought it would be.   
  
The little girl, surprisingly, frowns, like she's not sure of the answer. "No. Yes. Kinda? Big Bro said I could get some pudding if I wanted to. He's at the check out right now."   
  
"He let you come all the way here by yourself?" She isn't sure what kind of brother this dude is, but honestly? Would it kill him to _come with his younger sister_  to get some pudding? It couldn't be _that_  much of a pain to do.  
  
The girl looks to the pudding pack in her hands sheepishly. "I said I could. The lines were long at check out and I didn't want to lose our spot so I said I could find it..."  
  
What the hell are kids. What the hell is _this kid_  in particular, for she's being crazy grown-up for her mere age of possibly-six.   
  
Shiho looks to the basket she's carrying. She still hasn't gotten panko or oats, but she can put that aside for another day. She kinda wants to just help this kid now. "Um. I was just about to go to check out. Do you want me to walk with you back to find your brother?" she asks lightly, hopefully not being creepy. Thankfully, a small, shy smile comes onto the girl's face, and she nods.   
  
The girl looks around absently as they go through the isles, eyes lingering on brightly-packaged items. She clutches the pudding like a life-line, though sometimes she looks like she wants to grab something else but quickly retains herself. Shiho is quite honestly charmed by how bright-eyed she is.   
  
"Is that your favorite flavor of pudding?" Shiho asks in lieu of conversation, though they shouldn't be far from the check-out. The girl blinks and looks down accordingly to the packaging. She looks at it with an intensity to it, as if she's thinking deeply about the question.  
  
"I dunno! I haven't tried that many, but I do like this one." She looks up with blinking doe eyes. "What's your favorite, miss?"  
  
They walk out of the isles, and _ah_ , good, there's the check-out. Thank god she remembered the way to the check-out. The girl wasn't wrong-- the lines _are_  pretty lengthy. She wouldn't want to give up a spot in the queues either. "I think I like the caramel chocolate ones," Shiho says absently, peering towards the lines, trying to see anyone who may be this kid's 'Big Bro.' The little girl seems to be doing the same, bowing over and swiveling her head around, and then perks up.  
  
"I see him!" she nearly squeals, and hurries down towards the line. Shiho follows at a much slower pace though she probably doesn't need to, but she just wants to make sure the girl's alright. She watches as her brown pigtails bounce as she turns into a register lane, watches as a bright smile grows on her face. The girl stops in front of someone, who had just started putting the things in their basket onto the conveyer belt. Shiho looks up, and--  
  
_Small world, huh,_  she thinks, but then feels dumb because it's a _small town_ and _of course_  she's going to see her classmates outside of class at some point. It's the silver-haired boy, the one that sits in the middle of the classroom. He's friends with the red-cardigan girl, and the two brunettes who stood up for Kanji Tatsumi the first day she was at Yasogami. She doesn't know anything about him.  
  
The girl beams up to him, and he smiles something soft back to her. Taking the pudding pack with deft fingers and placing it on the conveyer belt, he nods and listens to the girl chattering to him. After a moment, the girl spins around, easily spying Shiho as if purposely looking for her, and waves. Shiho waves back and then gives a thumbs up, which seems to make the little girl more excited.   
  
She looks up from the girl and makes eye contact with her classmate. He blinks-- either in surprise, or maybe she's just trying to read too deeply into things that don't mean anything. He bows his head towards her, perhaps in thanks, and then turns back to the register. Shiho bows back even though he's not looking at her, feels stupid, and since she's already here, steps into the queue.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey uh sorry it's been a while--!! I got distracted by an idea to write things for haikyuu bc I fell in fuckin love with it,, maybe I'll post em someday;; and since I really liked putting off writing this chapter I made a stinking [playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/hyolks/playlist/5FubyBnS8drX9jDoBvckrx?si=lGRWjPSdSly4iPD3_U6c1w)
> 
> I'm probably gonna go back and rewrite or add in on certain parts-- I was rereading and some parts felt a little blocky--!! I'll say whatever I changed up here, if any of you want to know. none of it should be plot altering or anything, they'd just be like... more fleshing out and.... filling out spotty places
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, comments, and bookmarks!! :O I hope you enjoy!!

  
Thunder rolls in the distance, the rain coming down in something too heavy to call a drizzle. Shiho peels her knee brace off, cringing with the grimy and wet feeling it leaves behind, and thinks, _I hate the rain._  
  
There's pools of water forming in the entrance, splashing with the occasional student walking across them. The school's already been filtered out, with most students fleeing home since the rain doesn't seem like it'll let up in hours. The student next to her curses under their breath when their umbrella doesn't pop open.She wrings out what she can from the brace, twisting and twisting even though nothing comes out. She wishes she  _at least_  had something to pat her knee dry with, or to wrap it with so she could put the brace over it. Her knees feel like they're caught between being actual slabs of rough, uncut stone and a physical feeling of static.  
  
The student's umbrella snaps open, coming close to stabbing them in the arm. It's cute, bright blue with little gudetamas all on it. Shiho remembers seeing it at the opening sale of a storefront in Shibuya-- they were cheap, and from the looks of it, cheaply made, too. She opens her mouth, but halts-- what _for?_  to say it's _cheap?_ that it's _cute?_ \-- but the student ducks under the umbrella and sets off before she even decides what to say, if she was going to say anything at all.  
  
Shiho presses her mouth into a thin line, feeling stupid. Her umbrella sits idly next to her, a solid grey. She might just blend in with the sky. She wonders how long she can wait the rain out, or at least, how long it'll take for the thrumming in her kneecaps to settle and for the knee brace to dry.  
  
There's movement from somewhere further in the school-- it echoes down the stairways and the halls, making her ears prick. The laughter echoing from the halls sounds strangely distorted, muffled by the pick up of the rain outside. Shiho shuffles closer to the side and tries to look preoccupied, fiddling with her just shy of dead phone. She's used up whatever energy she keeps for interacting today, the last bit of it burnt up by whatever stupid attempt of a conversation she did just minutes ago.   
  
The voices become clearer as they approach the entrance, voices light and joking even though there's a flare of bickering in their conversation. Shiho's stomach squeezes, just a bit-- they're talking about one of the newest movies that just came out, something action-y and full of dramatic plot and _wicked cool, I swear,_  going by their conversation. Shiho remembers a conversation from the dim hours of this morning, a forlorn _hey maybe you can visit on that long weekend and we could go watch it in theaters together!!_  from Ann and a shriveling feeling in her stomach.  
  
There's no pause in the conversation when they step into the entrance, going accordingly to their shoe lockers and swapping shoes. A pair of them walk past her, one of them throwing biting comments like _You don't even watch good movies, what would you know about what makes one good or not!_  over the lockers.  
  
Her phone buzzes in her hands, lighting up from the blank screen she's been staring at for the past few minutes. It's a message from her mother-- something about remembering her knee brace, and _if at all possibly,_ _could you get some milk, we ran out this morning._ She scrunches her nose. She might be able to fudge the trip to the store without the brace-- there shouldn't be that many dips in the road in that direction. But, knowing her stupid luck and the telltale ache, she's got to put it back on at _some_ point, regardless of its grimy feeling.  
  
Instead, she just kinda listens in on the whole conversation being held over the lockers, which has some how gotten even more heated in the time she's glanced at her phone. She knows these voices, she realizes belatedly-- they always seem to argue, at least, about the most ridiculous things. Meat skewers, the weather, Kung-fu movies, cats-- there's no correlation between those topics, and yet they _always_  argue over some aspect of it. It's kinda surprising. They were fairly in unison when it came to defending Tatsumi Kanji in class-- the two brunettes, eyes steely with determination. And by extension, she knows, the red cardigan Amagi daughter and the silver haired older brother are there.   
  
She really should be more aware of her classmates. She doesn't know their names, even though it's been a good couple of weeks since she's been here.   
  
The clicks of their shoe lockers are just barely audible over the pick up of rain outside. There's a trickle off in the conversation-- strange, considering how they've argued about the same scene for the entire time Shiho's listened in. She can just barely see where the person in front of her has become unnaturally still-- a difference from how animately they were moving prior. It's quiet for a moment, two-- until they pick it right back up, as if they were only side tracked by a stray thought.  
  
They all congregate to the entrance, armed with umbrellas. One after the other, the umbrellas pop open smoothly and they step out, the conversation now swiftly shifting to something about night-- but one pauses mid motion, in the edge of Shiho's vision, as if halted by something.   
  
"Ah, um! Wait, I think I forgot something. You guys go on ahead-- I'll catch up in a jiffy!" It's the brunette girl with the green jumper with the flurry of buttons on the lapel-- the one Shiho's overheard is unnaturally enthusiastic about movies in general. Her voice is awkward on the sentence, like it she's not entirely sure of herself. _Strange._  
  
"Are you sure? We can wait for you--" the Amagi girl starts, the red of her cardigan stark against the grey outside, but the brunette just shakes her head, nearly frantically.   
  
"I'm sure, I'm sure! Don't worry about it!" she says. It's possibly one of the most suspicious sounding Shiho's ever heard. The same thought shows on the other's faces from what Shiho can see while briefly glancing, but they don't push. The hollow patter of rain against umbrellas picks up-- one, two, three-- and the Amagi girl calls out from the noise of the rain, "Don't take too long, Chie!" And they're gone.   
  
The brunette-- _Chie,_ Shiho thinks, _her name's Chie--_  struggles with putting up the umbrella for at least a half minute. Shiho checks her phone and absently notes that it's five minutes till the school closes. At this rate, with the way the umbrella refuses to click back into place, she probably won't make it back to what ever she forgot. Or maybe the teachers will be nice and let her get whatever it is-- or it could be Morooka, who would give her hell.   
  
Eventually she just throws her arms up, resting the open umbrella against the lockers. She doesn't dart past where Shiho's sitting like she expected she would-- Chie goes straight to her locker, a type of unrest jittering in her movement.  
  
Shiho absently stretches out her legs, a frown twisting on her mouth. _Five minutes,_  she reminds herself. The thrum hasn't dwindled. It shouldn't be that long of a trip. She grabs ahold of the knee brace, which squishes in her hand. Her knee protests being stretch out again, and--  
  
And there's something being held out to her.  
  
She starts, her legs jerking back. It's a pack of pain reliever creme and a wrap. Her eyes keep going up, up the candy-apple green of the jacket that lights her like a beacon in the dim lights, and she shouldn't be surprised that it's Chie since she's the only other one here, but--  
  
"Um, here!" Chie blurts, caught somewhere on the edge of awkward and yet not at all. She fidgets-- shuffles her legs, fiddling with her sleeve-- Shiho knows it's not because she's uncomfortable, she's just nervous, but _why--_  "The rain's gotta be messing' with your knee, right? You can use this!"   
  
For a moment, the sound of rain engulfs the entrance. Everything's drowned out in grey, muted by rain, and yet, Chie stands like a sudden break in the monotone. Shiho reaches out slowly, taking them from Chie with hesitant hands. Chie-- Chie looks _sheepish,_  which is so, so confusing because it's _Chie_ , who's probably as confident as can be even though Shiho doesn't know a thing about her. Her chest squeezes and squeezes and--  
  
"Thank you," she says, hoping the gratitude she feels can be heard in her voice. Chie grins back, a sheepish quirk of the lips, rubbing the back of her neck in a lax manner.  
  
"I, um, know how it feels." Chie leans a shoulder against the lockers while Shiho takes the moment to apply the creme. "My knees ache a lot in this weather, too," she says, looking somewhere behind her. Shiho glances, and there's a mess of purple and green and yellow dotted on both of her legs. How-- How did she never _notice?_  "I kinda do a lot of martial arts, and it's put a lot of strain on my legs..."  
  
Shiho nods knowingly, handing back the creme and then unravels the wrap. Once the wrap's tightly wound around her knee, she pulls the knee brace on in a fluid motion. The grimy feeling doesn't bleed through the wrap. Shiho finds her voice caught, her chest tight. "Thank you, really..."  
  
"It's no biggie!" Chie jumps to say, waving it off quickly. She shuts her locker with a quick click, bouncing on her feet. She moves so much when she talks. Shiho's kinda enamored just from watching. "I mean, my legs've been acting up all day, so I can only imagine how it is for you--! The rain's really awful around here, 'n comboed with these hills? Absolutely _killer!"_  
  
"It feels like it never stops raining around here," she says in the lieu of agreement, looking just past Chie to where it's doing exactly what it's been doing for the past week. Shiho heaves herself to her feet, pressing an open palm against her knee. The creme covers the thrum of pain behind her kneecap like a heavy blanket-- it's one of the better brands, something she'd love to just keep on hand and slap on whenever her knees so much as twinge, but it'd leave her absolutely broke.   
  
Chie hums. "Junes sells a ton of pain reliever stuff, by the way! I get this one and Hot n' Cold packs whenever they're on sale there. They do absolute wonders for the joints, and you can stock up on a ton of them 'cuz the deals are always good!" She says, a kind of excitement bleeding into her voice.   
  
"Ah, neat," Shiho says absently. For the weeks after she'd gotten out of the hospital, she tried just about every suggestion the doctor had provided for pain relief in a blind attempt to do _something_ with the ache in her legs. They helped somewhat, of course, but there was always the simmering ache and it lingered just long enough in her bones that there was barely any difference between using them or not. Then again-- Tokyo has the luxury of flat roads and transits, not hill sides and weekly typhoons. There's a couple of bills neatly folded somewhere in her bag-- it's definitely enough for the milk her mom asked for. Maybe she could fudge a bit of extra change and maybe save up for those sales--?   
  
"But I've got tons of them if you ever need it!!" Chie interrupts, cutting through the wandering thoughts. Her eyes shine, and Shiho blinks owlishly. Tapping her knuckles against the locker, she continues, "You definitely have more leg aches than I do, I think-- if you need to, you can use whatever I have stashed away in here!"  
  
Shiho finds herself smiling. "Thank you," she says again, because-- really, there's probably not a limit to the amount of times she can say it until she feels like its enough.   
  
"It's no biggie," Chie grins widely. She moves and grabs the umbrella she gave up on closing earlier. "See you later, Suzui!"   
  
With a wave, she's off, sprinting in the sheets of rain. The green of her jacket stays bright even as she crosses the courtyard, until she turns the corner, and then she's gone.   
  
—  
  
Shiho [5:37 P.M.]  
_I think I'm boutta go into cardiac arrest_  
  
Ann [5:40 P.M.]  
_:O???!!_  
  
Shiho [5:40 P.M.]  
_my classmate gave me somethin to wrap my knee in and some of that icy hot stuff_  
_ann I thought I was gonna combust I was so touched--!!_  
  
Ann [5:40 P.M.]  
_WHO_  
_jesus i woulda cried?? aint icy hot expensive??_  
  
Shiho [5:41 P.M.]  
_it is!!_  
_g odd_  
_i'm indebted for life_  
_her names chie,,_  
_I don't really know much about her but she does martial arts and has knee problems too_  
  
Ann [5:41 P.M.]  
_dude_  
_u Can Not Bond over something like knee aches_  
_thats like.... somethin old ppl would bond over_  
  
Shiho [5:42 P.M.]  
_:(((_  
_can we bond over sales on icy hot instead,,,?_  
  
Ann [5:42 P.M.]  
_absolutely not!!_  
  
Shiho [5:42 P.M.]  
_unfair!!_  
_I don't wanna hear you try and teach yusuke budgeting then, you hypocrite!!!_  
  
Ann [5:43 P.M.]  
_oh my fuckin god_  
_let it GO IT WAS ONLY ONE TIME I SAID THAT_  
_IM HURT_  
  
—  
  
The classroom hasn't changed in the slightest. Morooka's the same crotchety rag he's always been. The people around her still talk about the Meat Skewer Shop like there's something new and exciting about it. It's raining outside. Nothing new.  
  
Green glows in the corner of her eyes now. It's never _not_ been there, but it's _there_. Bright candy apple green, paired with bright candy apple red. They've been there since day one, strangely isolated yet not at all. Their own faction. She's never noticed before-- just how close they are.  
  
She feels silly-- all it takes for her to be more aware of her classmates, to think of them as something more than other people in the room, is to just _speak to one?_  To put a name to a face all of a sudden, when it's been in front of her for the past couple of _weeks?_  
  
They have names, they're people, and she's been too caught up in longing for home that she's forgotten to think of her classmates as their own rather than awful people in this awful town. There's more to her classmates. They're more than _red cardigan Amagi girl_  or _the liquor store's kid_  or  _the boy who sits in front of her_  or _her seat mate._  
  
She left the knee wrap in Chie's shoe locker this morning. She tried to keep it cool, keep it casual, even though her fingers were shaking so slightly. Which is-- stupid, really. Who's scared of returning what they _borrowed?_ Her, apparently. She even brought her own knee wrap to school, so she wouldn't have to borrow Chie's again. She even came _early,_  just to from talking to Chie from awkward obligation.  
  
She's reverting, she knows. She's going back to being completely withdrawn. It's been _ages_  since she's been like this, ages since she hasn't had someone like Ann by her side. And-- she can't even find it in herself to even try to be civil with Chie, or to put names to her classmates' faces.  
  
She has to be better than this. Has to.   
  
Chie lets out a loud snort, smacking the other brunette's arm-- _Yosuke, maybe?_ \-- which sends the Amagi girl-- _Yukiko?--_  into a wild fit of laughter. Yosuke lets out a whine, turning to beg for support in this conversation from the silver haired boy-- _Souji--_  who just shrugs with a slight upturn of the lips. Chie cheers, announcing something that sounds like a final decision, much to Yosuke's chagrin. Nothing different. Nothing different.  
  
Something writhes in her gut. It gnaws at her, angry and bitter, something that won't still even though she tries forcing it down. Shiho buries her head in her arms, shame settling heavy in her stomach. Chie's nice. Her group of friends seem nice.   
  
_We could've been like that._  
  
She's never hated Ryuji. Even when he bristled suddenly, splintering his leg to fragments, kicked aside suddenly as if he always belonged there. Even before that, when he was caught up in track, pulling away from their makeshift group of friends from junior high, she never hated him. Things were weird in high school, building up and crumbling at the turn of the week. One week she could swear things were getting better, and then by the next she could swear Ann and Ryuji would tear out each others throats.   
  
And Akira-- Akira, somehow, _somehow_ , smoothed over the grit. He was there for-- what, a month? Not even? He pulled everything back together. Made amends. Fixed what she thought couldn't be fixed. She can't thank him enough.   
  
She-- she could fit in that group of misfits, right? Ann, Ryuji, Akira, and  
  
her.  
  
—  
  
Sometimes she aches to play.  
  
She aches to be on a volleyball court again, shoes scuffing against waxed floors, eyes trained on the volleyball, thrum of adrenaline in her veins. She loved that stupid sport. The weight of the volleyball in her hands, the ache of having to dive to keep it in play, the sound of it being spiked. She loved it.  
  
She aches to play, yet her stomach will roil when she steps into the practice building's gymnasium. The whole gym is different, from the layout to the wall color to the lights, but her stomach won't settle. Her hands ache for a volleyball. Her knees ache more than they have in weeks. She stepped into the gym once to burn time watching the basketball team practice, and she decided she likes watching soccer more.   
  
It's probably not the best way to pass time-- watching other people do what she can't anymore. Initially it was just people watching, because that's all thats amounted to being the most interesting thing to do in this place, but seeing people running and shouting and cheering makes her restless. Sure, she's never had a knack for soccer or basketball or whatever other sports they offer at Yasogami. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to play. Maybe she's being a masochist? After all, she _did_ stay in Shujin's volleyball program--  
  
The black and white of the soccer ball streaks across the court, sailing flawlessly into an unmanned goal. Shiho blinks, watching as the soccer ball swishes in the netting, hearing the roar from the team. They're all sweaty as hell from playing since school let out-- a quick glance at her phone tells it's been at least a solid hour of playing already, _yikes_ \-- but the team doesn't realize this until they've already dog piled into a group hug. If she was closer, she could probably hear the absolute disgust that crosses some of their faces. And god have mercy on the dude who scored that goal-- being crushed in upon by a bunch of sweaty teenage boys... _incredible, he's still alive._  
  
He doesn't seem all that bothered by it though, either still hyped up from his good shot or having already reached the peak of sweatiness and doesn't mind a couple more gallons of it on him. One of his teammates swings by and throws an arm around his shoulders, giving him a wicked ruffle of hair, and Shiho belatedly realizes its Seta Souji from her class. He nudges the arm off of his shoulders, grinning something that's reserved yet still expressive, and another round starts.   
  
She leans back on the bench. He's the other one from Tokyo, supposedly-- alongside Yosuke, but he's not as new apparently and therefore booted out of the public mind-- and he's just about as similar to her as he is different. Both of them are quiet Tokyo transfers, but-- he doesn't seem to mind being here. He's blended in seamlessly, as if he's always been here. People always come up and talk to him in class. She doesn't know anything about him.   
  
_Maybe he was the team captain at his old school,_  she guesses absently. He's got the stance and keen eyes of someone who knows what he's doing. When they're setting up from an out-of-bounds shot, he leans to a teammate and whispers something short to them, to which they nod and move accordingly. She wonders what it's like for the actual team captain-- being shown up by a transfer from Tokyo his first year here.   
  
She wonders what it was like for the third years at Shujin-- being booted off the team because they refused to bend to Kamoshida, watching first and second years fill their spots, covered in bruises they received instead.  
  
A loud, strangled shout pulls her out of her thoughts. There's someone down on the field-- they're grasping at their ankle, a grimace settling heavy on their face. The ball keeps rolling until its out of bounds, unbeknown to the rest of the team, who abandon game to surround the player.  
  
Shiho's gut sinks. She leans forward, trying to quell it, but her stomach folds and folds and  _won't stop._ It's just the roll of an ankle, from the looks of it-- his face shows his discomfort, nose scrunching up strangely underneath a bandage stretched across it, but he isn't folded in upon himself, curling, wheezing. He's helped up to his feet by a couple of teammates. He can still move his foot, though it doesn't seem to feel too pleasant. He's alright.  
  
Like a bolt, she realizes she's waiting. She's tensed up unknowingly, white knuckled, gripping the edge of the bench. She's waiting for yelling to start up. Injuries were slow downs. Injuries took up time. Losing time meant losing practice which meant _losing._  Be it a jammed finger, rolled ankle, sprained wrist, bone fracture-- _not allowed._    
  
Injuries meant a little more pain in the end. She's waiting for someone to get hurt more.  
  
She has to mentally focus to pry her hands of the bench's edge. A teammate loop their arms around the player's shoulders, supporting him up so he can avoid standing on his foot. It's Souji. He keeps checking up on the player as they make way to the nurse's, taking most of his weight.  
  
With that, it seems like the whole team reached a consensus that practice was over, taking their jerseys off and piling them up on the sidelines. She nearly blanches at the notion, but holds it down. _They don't seem that worried,_  she belatedly thinks, fiddling with the peeling part of her phone case to keep her hands busy. Sure, it was just a roll of the ankle-- shouldn't be anything too horrible-- but there's no worry, no worry for their teammate. They all had hovered nearby uselessly as he was helped to his feet. They're just _leaving._  They're not even continuing practice, or cleaning up--  
  
She presses her fingernails into her palm. She noticed the divide in the team earlier. There were the ones who played because they loved it, and then there were the ones who played because they had nothing better to do. They didn't care. It was the goddamn _transfer student_  who's helping the injured to the nurse's. She thought the team would be tight-knit enough that more would come and help.   
  
There's still cones and jerseys and spare practice balls littered around the lot. They walk right on past it all, keen on either leaving it out or leaving it for someone else to clean. The volleyball team would've been killed for even considering it.   
  
Shiho's knees ache when she stands. It feels like an eternity to walk across the lot, but she standing before the pile of jerseys before she knows it. There's a mesh bag haphazardly tossed to the side, too-- her arms feel like lead when she picks it up, meticulously picking up each sweaty jersey and putting it into the bag. The same goes for the cones, and then the soccer balls-- they're all unceremoniously crammed into the mesh bag when she's done.    
  
Her hands are jittery, she realizes. She's waiting to be towered over, for being slack on picking everything up, for taking so long--  
  
She pushes her thoughts down, swallowing heavily, trying to ignore the roar of her pulse in her ears. It takes a moment for her to clear the fuzz from her head, to unclench the death grip on the mesh bag. The way to the practice building is long and quiet.   
  
The doors to the building are obnoxiously loud as she shoulders them open. The lights to the gymnasium are off-- the only light coming in is from the high windows. She hates it. It reminds her of when she was told to stay after practice. Of when she would linger in the locker room, passing soothing creme to Hayato and being handed concealer from Misaki. She bites her tongue, ignores how her shoes sound against the waxed floors, and heads to the storage room.  
  
The storage room's a cluttered mess. It's unfathomably dusty in some parts, not in others-- she can easily see the sports that are actually played here on a daily basis. She's not exactly sure where the soccer supplies goes, so she-- she kinda just puts it down somewhere she thinks will catch someone's attention and hopefully they'd be knowledgable and kind enough to know where to properly put it.   
  
When she leaves the storage room, she sees a flash of movement from the corner of her eye. It's Souji-- he's not facing her, having stepped foot outside but halted mid motion. He's still wearing his jersey, and the hint of color tucked under his arm is probably his teammate's. She wonders if he stopped because no ones there, or if because everything's cleaned up already.  
  
She could call out, say  _hey, I already cleaned up for you, you don't have to worry about it._ She doesn't. He seems like a quiet guy, but he might ask why she even bothered. She doesn't think she can really tell him she might convulse at the thought of leaving equipment out because she and her teammates used to have the shit beat out of them if they dared to leave a forgotten jersey on the ground.  
  
She turns and leaves, wanting to get out of the gym as quick as she can. Hopefully his teammate's alright, at least. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI TO START OFF I really wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has left a kudo, bookmark, or comment!! Especially for those who comment--!! I don't respond in fear of sounding like a blubbering mess but honest to GOD every thing I've been left has been incredibly encouraging and so inspiring!! I want you all to know I love and appreciate you even if I don't respond!! Thank you so much!!!
> 
> Side note: I'm gonna establish now that I'll aim to update once every two-three months, since I usually hit a rut while writing and my outside life has been pretty hectic recently!! Thanks for your time!! Sorry this was late!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!! :'O AND THANKS FOR 100 KUDOS JFLJKFLKF ALL OF YOU ARE!! SO NICE!!

  
From the moment she steps beyond the school gates, she know's something's up.  
  
It's in the air, thick and heavy. It's in the way there's more tight groups of people, whispering and murmuring, in the way it looks like everyone's on guard.   
  
Shiho can only blink curiously. She barely catches the tail ends of conversations as she switches shoes, but never hears enough to know what's _up._  It's really weird. For a school where she hears just about every spindly, prying rumor about _anything_ , this... this _thing_  is strangely a topic of reverence. Or maybe it's one not privy to an outsider's ears.  
  
She shoulders her bag, trying to clear her mind. It's whatever. She's never really cared about rumors prior to now, so why bother? Then again-- for a rumor to have this much of an impact? Something's either _really wrong_ , or she's overthinking. In the end it's just weird.   
  
"Ah! Good morning, Suzui!"   
  
She looks up accordingly. Chie stands in front of her shoe locker, waving, with Yukiko by her side. Yukiko smiles politely instead of greeting, a flicker of confusion in her eyes like maybe she doesn't really know why Chie's talking to her, which is understandable.   
  
"Good morning," she says awkwardly. Honestly? She's right alongside Yukiko.  She fiddles with the strap of her bag, caught by social obligation not to flee immediately. "Uhm. You seem cheery this morning."  
  
And she is-- Chie's basically vibrating in her skin, brimming with energy. She flips open her shoe locker with more motion than necessary, looking up in thought. "I guess I am! Today just feels like a great day, y'know?"  
  
Shiho takes a long side-eye down the hall, where people are basically leering at each other, set on edge. "Sure."  
  
Chie pulls out her indoor shoes and a plethora of bandages from her locker in such a fluid motion Shiho doesn't initially realize just how _many_  bandaids she pulled out. She glances at Chie's knees nearly instantly-- they're splotched in bruises and scrapes and cuts, some already covered in bandages, some not. Momentarily, she catches the grimace that briefly crosses Yukiko's face at the sight of all the bandages before she refocuses on changing shoes.   
  
"Did you-- did you fall or something? Some of those don't look too good," she finds herself saying, the words tumbling out of her mouth. She doesn't know much about karate or taekwando or whatever, but she didn't really think it was _possible_ to get all cut up like that.   
  
Chie pauses momentarily. "For the most part, yeah!" Pressing down a bandaid, she motions absently with her free hand. "Most of the bruises were already there, though! This just looks worse than it actually is."  
  
It's crazy flippant for someone with shredded knees. Maybe if it were someone else, someone she were closer to, Shiho wouldn't accept that answer. But she doesn't really know Chie-- maybe she did actually take a tumble down some brick stairs, maybe not. The cuts don't look gritty enough to be something as skidding knees on pavement.  
  
"Okay," she says instead, "Just be careful, yeah?"  
  
The smile on Chie's face is nearly too sunny. "Yeah, no worries!"  
  
—  
  
Tatsumi Kanji is back. _That's_  the whole fuss.  
  
It's a little hysterical. Someone is no longer missing, and everyone acts like Armageddon has dawned. She's got no clue if it's because he's a bad person or not, but-- Chie and Yukiko and Yosuke and Souji seem to like him, or at least think well of him. Surely he can't be _that_ horrible.  
  
Even if he's back, she never sees him. She's-- She's not keeping an eye out for him, not really, but there would definitely be some mob behavior to indicate who he is. People would whisper and pass rumors as if he didn't have ears. People would swerve to get out of his way, leaving a open pathway, but only one made of contempt.   
  
Maybe he's just not here at all today. Maybe he's just taking the day to stay at home, where he surely would be with his family, making up for all the worry and stress. Or-- would his family even be like that...?   
  
Shiho bites the side of her thumb, pulling herself from that strain of thought. _Not my business,_  she thinks, pushing double doors open to the breezeway.   
  
It's surprisingly empty out here even though it's lunch. She fiddles with the extra change in her hands, wandering towards where she remembers the vending machine to be. She really only saw it fleetingly-- didn't even check what was in it. She hopes it was worth coming out here for.   
  
The vending machine sits not far around the corner. It's sparingly stocked-- quite a sad sight. She shifts on her feet, looking over each can with a growing disinterest. She's never been one to drink soft drinks or coffee, not really-- being around Ann and her crazy diets that will be ruined if she even glances in the direction of a soft drink has made Shiho indifferent, but she had just enough extra change in her bag that what the hell, why not. Plus-- the loose change jangling in her bag was grating her nerves.  
  
She just absently slots the coins in, punching for a drink that's actually stocked. It whirs slowly, moving like molasses. She might get her drink before lunch ends.  
  
Around the corner, the double doors swing open with a slam, the noise echoing between the buildings. Shiho flinches and glances down the breezeway. _Wonder what could've made them so angry to slam the door like that..._  she thinks. The student rounds the corner, strolling towards the vending machine with a gait that can really only be called a prowl. She nearly bites through her tongue.  
  
It's an honest-to-god punk. He's got the piercings, got the bleached hair, got the gakuran over his shoulders, the wide stance, the hands shoved into his pockets deeper than they actually are, the biting glare that makes people give a wide berth around him. Sure, there were delinquents at Shujin, but all they really amounted to were just Akira and Ryuji, and _they're_  about as un-deliquent as it gets. This-- this is something else. This is the absolute _pinnacle_  of the punk stereotype.  
  
He nearly seems to bristle, finally noticing that she's standing there. A scowl twists his mouth, nose scrunching up as his glare somehow still manages to get more intense. "What are you looking at?" he grunts, both slouching and straightening up to an intimidating height.   
  
The can clunks to the bottom of the vending machine. She doesn't move to get it.  
  
Ah, _shit_. She didn't realize she was staring. Shiho presses her lips together thinly-- how-- how can she get out of this without sounding like a total idiot? _'Oh, hey, I was just thinking about the delinquents at my old school, who were actually my friends and don't really deserve to be called delinquents, but high schoolers, yknow?'_    
  
Yeah, right. Like _that_ would fly over well. Would-- would he just start throwing punches anyways even if she gave him an answer that shouldn't be provoking? _Shit,_ she really needs to be more aware of when she's _staring--_  
  
"Uhm," she flounders. "Sorry, if it's, um, insensitive or something, but-- did those piercings hurt?" she blurts. Open mouth, enter foot. Absolutely _incredible._  
  
The deepening of the crease between his eyebrows probably says she's a fucking idiot and will be going home with a snapped arm or something, so she continues to be stupid and keeps plowing on. "I mean, yeah, they probably did, sorry, that was a stupid question-- but, uhm, was it any worse than getting your lobes pierced?"   
  
There's a pause. It's almost achingly long and awkward, and Shiho nearly wants to just run away before it stretches on any longer. But, slowly, the punk's hand moves towards his ears, where he tugs on one of the earrings like he's trying to remember how painful it was.   
  
"They're... helix piercings," he says, his voice much less gruff than it was earlier. He speaks slowly, maybe trying to remember. "They go through cartilage, so they... hurt more, I think. They're definitely not the worst piercing, though. Just a little worse than getting your lobes pierced."  
  
"Ah, I see," she says. She presses her earlobe between her index finger and thumb, feeling for the holes. She's had her ears pierced for ages, but they're probably on the verge of completely closing up since she slacks on wearing earrings consistently enough for them to stay open. Knowing her luck, getting helixes would be a waste-- they'd close up on her since she's so crummy at keeping earrings in. "Where'd you get them pierced? Is there-- is there a parlor around here?"  
  
He scratches his cheek. "I did 'em myself."   
  
She blinks. "Wow. They look really good for doing them yourself," she says, tilting her head to see his ear better. They're nearly evenly spaced-- it's a hell of a lot better than whatever she could do. Her hand's not steady enough to even try.  
  
He makes a face. "I wouldn't recommend it. Hurt like hell, and one of them got crazy infected. Goin' to a pro would be better."  
  
"Gotcha." She stoops down, quickly retrieving the drink she's let sit longer than she should have. Stepping back, she pulls the tab and takes a sip of whatever weird off-brand soda she got. She scrunches her nose. "Sorry for keeping you," she says, trying to decide whether or not the drink is worth finishing or not. Raising a hand as goodbye, she smiles slightly, "Have a good day."  
  
He nods back, taking her place in front of the vending machine as she leaves. Taking another sip, she lets it sit in her mouth for a bit-- it's... a bland drink, to say the least. Like carbonated water with the slightest hint of fruit, almost too small to even be considered flavored. No wonder it was the only one fully stocked. She spits it out in a bush before she goes back inside.  
  
—  
  
After school ends, she sees the delinquent again. He's loitering just outside of the school building, glaring at everybody who so much as glances in his direction. Huh. He didn't seem like that bad of a guy-- er, he didn't threaten her, which really is all it takes to be a good guy in her book-- but he really _is_  the pinnacle of the punk stereotype.   
  
Momentarily, she considers doing _something--_ saying a goodbye, have-a-nice-day, something like that, but who's she kidding? She doesn't have the guts to say anything, even after she had a weirdly stilted conversation about his earrings.   
  
Shiho places her indoor shoes into the locker, briefly wondering how weird it would look if she just smashed her head into the locker right now. She doesn't really get to come to an answer, though-- Chie comes sailing past her, followed by Yukiko, Yosuke, and Souji, chirping a peppy, "Hey, Suzui! See ya later!" and she's raising her hand in a belated _'see ya'_ like some kind of idiot.  
  
They all exit the building, wrapped up in the whirl wind of a conversation. They veer dangerously close to the delinquent, and after seeing how hostile he's come off to everyone within a three-meter radius, them approaching in at a one-meter distance makes her think he's going to start throwing hands, but--  
  
But then she sees Chie and Yukiko and Yosuke and Souji turn to him, taking up the guy's space like it's nothing. Chie heartily slaps his shoulder and Yosuke grins something cheeky and probably says something stupid seeing the reaction it creates. They orbit around him, pulling him into their group until he can't leave. And-- he looks like he doesn't mind.   
  
It _clicks:_  Tatsumi Kanji.  
  
_Ah,_  she thinks, _I really did have a conversation with a kid who was missing for weeks about his earrings. Huh._  
  
—  
  
Shiho wakes up at midnight to the sound of white noise.  
  
At first, she's pretty sure it's just the rain-- it's a consistently down pour, but nothing storm-like. The _tap-tap-taps_  against the glass are rhythmic, and she's almost lulled back to sleep until she realizes there's another white noise.   
  
It's static. It's... _static?_  It's muffled, yet still distinctly loud. She lays and waits, listening. That's definitely static. Grumbling, she rolls to her side, checking the time-- 12:00 exactly, damn-- and laments rolling out of bed. Her dad must've fallen asleep watching TV or something. He's going to have a cow that he fell asleep and left the TV on-- the electrical bill is going to be astronomical.  
  
She sits up, sighs, and stands up. Her knee protests slightly at the sudden movement.  
  
She stumbles around her room, absently flicking on her phone's flashlight. The house is quiet, aside from the echo of the rain and the hum of static. The floorboards are cold when she steps on them, careful to not wake up her father as she walks into the living room.   
  
The TV's on, the screen completely filled with static. The noise is much louder now that she's out here. Frowning, she shuffles closer to the couch. Her father's not exactly a light sleeper, but surely he would've woken up by now.   
  
Except, when she peers over the back of the couch, there's no one there.   
  
She blinks. And blinks. Okay. That's... weird. The TV surely wouldn't've been left on, especially once her parents went to bed. They would've heard whatever was playing before the signal got scrambled by the rain, and they would've turned it off. Huh.   
  
She rounds about the couch, reaching for the remote. The static is nearly suffocating out here, blaring in her ears. She fumbles with the remote for a second, holding it up.   
  
Something appears in the static.   
  
Heart stuttering, Shiho halts. There's an image of something faded in the static. It's too hard to tell what it could even be-- a room, maybe?-- before the screen fully returns to static. The static roars, hums, and then fades until there's no noise and Shiho is cast into darkness. 

She swallows thickly, the thrum of her pulse in her ears now the loudest thing in the room. She clicks the power button on the remote-- the TV screen flickers on to the food channel, the one her parents always watch. There's no remnants of static on the screen, no stuttering, no delay-- nothing. Even when the wind picks up outside, the signal doesn't falter.

Shiho clicks the TV off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are there even vending machines at yasogami or piercing parlors in inaba? there are now. find me on tungle at shibyn.tumblr.com


End file.
